Introduction to NVC
Generational differences offer opportunities for growth, connection, and creative problem-solving. Youth can learn strategies for engaging in activism from elders. Elders can learn from younger folx calling for intersectional inclusivity across so many spaces and settings. The Non-Violent Communication (NVC) modality for communication can serve as a bridge for understanding insights and differences across generational boundaries, paving the way for compassionate connection.
When we seek community, we seek a sense of belonging and the opportunity to be seen and heard. Arriving in this place of understanding does not always happen in a straight line. While community is a place where we seek connection, it is very possible to feel isolated even when surrounded by the people we like to be around. In moments when unpleasant feelings of un-belonging are present, decolonized non-violent communication can serve as a framework for mending misunderstandings.
Non-Violent Communication (NVC) is a communication framework rooted in compassion, deep listening, and empathy developed in the late 1960s by American psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg. The NVC framework provides a method for verbally clarifying what we are observing and what emotions we are feeling, so that we may articulate what we need without letting judgment nor blame get in the way of our requests.
Key Concepts of NVC*
Universal Human Needs: Everyone shares the same needs. While there are basic human needs (e.g. food, water, and shelter), there are also non-material needs (e.g. expressing oneself, playing, creativity).
Feelings: Emotions are experienced within the body. They arise when certain needs are being met, and they arise when certain needs are not being met.
Strategies: Different strategies meet different needs. Conflict arises at this level, and never the level of needs.
*Information sourced from Trauma-Informed NVC by Meenadchi.
The Four Components of NVC
- Observations: Without judging, observe what is happening in the context of the conflict that has come up.
- Feelings: Identify the emotions within you that are accompanying your observations. Following the decolonizing NVC approach, pay attention to the sensations within our physical body and ask yourself if you are comfortable engaging within the interaction.
- Needs: State your needs. Check in with your body again. Notice whatever sensations are coming up when you do so.
- Requests: Make a request to the person you are communicating with. When expressing a request, know that you must be ready to accept “No” as a potential response.
Decolonizing NVC
“Decolonizing NVC invites us to reimagine our bodies as our best friend, to observe where and when we disconnect from ourselves, and to navigate new ways of coming home – both to ourselves and to the communities we love to serve.” —Meenadchi
Decolonizing NVC expands, deconstructs, and redefines the core concepts and practices of NVC by acknowledging the lineages of trauma that have impacted every person who has grown up in the United States.
Meenadchi (they/them) is a facilitator and healer teaching non-violent communication skills through a transformative justice and decolonial lens. As articulated in their own words, “colonialism took us away from indigeous knowledge, away from shared resources, and away from belonging to each other. A decolonial lens seeks to explore and deconstruct the ways we have internalized messages of scarcity and “other” such that we can re-engage with wildly open-hearted care for one another along with healthy and appropriate boundaries.”
Meenadchi offers three conditions for being able to practice NVC:
- A person experiences themselves as having choice
- A person experiences an aligned somatic awareness of their own body
- A person experienced an aligned somatic awareness of the collective body
For a deep-dive into the concepts and practices of Decolonizing NVC, consider purchasing Meenadchi’s guide, “Decolonizing Non-Violent Communication: A Workbook,” which is filled with Implementation Activities for both group individual work.
Activity
Non-violent communication can best be learned when it’s put to work in a practical setting. Complete this group activity and use the principles and techniques of NVC and Decolonizing NVC to implement healthy and effective communication skills within your community.
Resources
Watch
Introduction to NVC by founder, Marshall Rosenberg
Nonviolent Communication and Self Awareness by Maria Engels
Read
Decolonizing Non-Violent Communication: A Workbook by Meenadchi
Nonviolent Communication Free audiobook
Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD
Nonviolent Communication Companion Workbook by Lucy Leu
Moving Toward Conflict for the Sake of Good Strategy by Yotam Marom
Emergent Strategy by adrienne maree brown
Research
Trauma-Informed Non-violent Communication (NVC)
Nonviolent Communication (official website)
Jeyanthy Siva is an international trainer/facilitator, mediator and coach. She has been facilitating trainings and team retreats since 2000 and travels between Asia, Europe and the USA.
